Chris's China Adventure

Chris has been writing down his experience while in China this week for work. Here are the first few days and some photos.

From Chris:
So, you go about your life getting dropped off places. You get dropped off at school or at a friends house or at the mall. I never thought I’d get dropped off to go to China. As it turns out I found myself needing to visit China to view several potential manufacturers of a small product I’m working towards developing.

Anneka dropped me off at the airport on Friday night after a date of Pizza at our favorite pizza joint downtown. I flew to LA for the later flight to a southern Chinese city named Guangzhou which is several hours by car from Hong Kong.

The flight was on a Delta partner called China Southern. I found it funny that despite the flight not scheduled to depart until midnight they started boarding at 10:30pm. The international terminal there at LAX is under renovation so when I got to the gate it was rather cramped and crowded. It was funny to feel like I was already in a foreign country as when I walked past the Qantas flight everyone was speaking in an Australian accent. So, when I got to my gate you could imagine how awkward it was to hear nothing but Chinese. The reason they started “boarding” so early is because the gate is a satellite. They packed us on a bus and it seemed like that thing drove for twenty minutes in the dark before it pulled up to a little building. I kept thinking that either LAX is a really big airport or the flight actually takes off from Burbank and they bus you over there first. Either way after what seemed like an oddly long time the doors opened at the base of the nose of our plane. I felt relieved that it was a Boeing 777 as I figured somehow that as the flagship of the Boeing line of aircraft that would somehow make my coach seat better.

After a trek up several ramps and the fourth security check of my ticket by an amazingly unqualified looking Hispanic man it an ill fitted uniform I stepped foot into my airborne hotel room.

Holy crap.

First thing that hit me was the smell. Massive stinky feet smell.

My heart sank. I thought, “What the crud have I’ve gotten myself into?” I wondered if it was too late to back out. I’d planned on a seat near the back of the plane where the Chinese people are very loud eaters. I’ve had that thought since my first meal here. I’m sitting next to a woman now and it’s as if she’s trying to chew with her mouth so open that if it was any opener her teeth wouldn’t actually chew the food. It would just sit there bobbing up and down in her mouth then get swallowed whole. Really proper English people would be appalled at what it sounds like when Chinese people eat.

Where was I? Oh, back to getting on the plane. So, I get on, pass out from the smell, come to still miraculously on my feet and make my way the back of the plane. I’d asked for a seat where the row turns from three across to two across as the plane narrows near the tail. I thought that way if I was luck and the flight wasn’t full I could have a seat next to me open and spread out a bit. Wouldn’t do much if I wanted to sleep since you can’t lay down across two seats except that you’re in the fetal position and I think my record for fetal position sleeping is about 17 minutes. I set down, thankfully no one else comes as the plane continues to fill. My hopes were dashed however when a guy sat down after a while. Callous as this sounds, my first thought was, “At least he smells OK.” I know that was written in my book of life and I’m not proud of that but hopefully that indiscretion will be overlooked. I’m sitting there and the stinky feet smell is really setting in and I can’t believe I’ll be in it for the next 16 hours. Eventually though, you know, you sort of get used to things and stop noticing them. I hoped that would happen in a matter of minutes but I wasn’t so fortunate. In fact, not only did that smell persist but it morphed into a truly bizarre and unnerving smell as it began to shift from just stinky feet into a combo of stinky feet and Harbor Freight store smell. Many of you have been to a Harbor Freight store and can attest to the strange odor of distant cheap plastic screw-driver factories. I continued to dread the trip with the new mixed odor only adding to my anxiety.

Then things changed.

Many that have flown know that it is common for a passenger to grab a bite to eat in the terminal prior to boarding. So, you might be sitting next to or near someone having one of those little pizza’s from Pizza Hut or perhaps a cinnamon roll from Cinnabun. Somewhere on that plane someone was filling up, so to speak, before the flight. Problem was it was re-heated, two days old fried fish.

How do you adequately describe a smell that is one part stinky feet, one part Harbor Freight and one part fried fish leftovers? My mind started getting confused. It couldn’t process it all. Much like how it can’t understand a wine whose makers say it has a full body with an essence of raspberry, mint, watercress, spinach and pine nuts with lingering tart, oaky, chocolaty, velvet undertones on the palate and subtle leather, shellac and beach-ball finishing flavors.

As the plane filled I felt increasingly like I was already in China. Couldn’t hear anything but Chinese, Couldn’t see anyone but Chinese. The in-flight magazine was only in Chinese, The free newspapers they graciously offered on boarding the plane were all in Chinese.

Eventually we took off. There was an in-flight entertainment system in the back of each seat and I was pleased to think I could wile away the hours watching all sorts of movies that I hadn’t seen. Much of that excitement stemmed from my first class seat on the flight earlier that night from Salt Lake to LA where there was a TV in the seat back and a ton of movies to watch along with live TV and games and such. I started watching slum dog millionaire and knew at the beginning that it would be a mistake. I mean, it’s only an hour and half total flying time to LA and they don’t turn those things on until about 15 minutes or so into the flight. What right minded person would start so highly acclaimed a movie only to know that it would be turned off short of the finish when you landed? But I pressed the “select” button anyways and sure enough, I was miffed when we landed and they cut it. Now I’ll have to go rent it then sit there impatiently as I have to re-watch two thirds of it so Anneka can see the whole thing… Anyways, so I was excited to watch movies on my trip over the pond. The screens flickered to life and I started channel surfing.

Two movies.

That’s it. Two movies. One a B-grade all-in-Chinese 70’s era military movie and an American film with that little young actress in it from Little Miss Sunshine. Some sort of Hardy Boys meet Annie type story about a depression era girl that solves the mystery of who stole the valuables from them and their boarders who lived with them. The only thing that could make the movie worse for me was if midway through it the little girl, whose arguing with another character in the film, a newspaper editor, in order to get her amateur story “in print” were to suddenly freeze in mid action as the DVD locks up.
So, that’s what happened. Multi faceted stinky smells in the plane, the prospect of 16 hours of it, the contentment of at least having something to do on the plane and suddenly even that is take away.

It sucked.

Then dinner came. Dinner was actually not that bad. It was a chicken dish with rice and since they’re a partner of Delta, that ever present tossed salad that Delta has offered since 1983. I ate since I knew that if I didn’t I’d be relegated to dipping into my emergency stash of granola bars that I’d brought from home and heaven forbid that I should deplete them three hours into a 16 hour flight let alone the rest of the 9 day journey. It would be like having a gallon of water to last you for three days in the desert and you drink half of it in the first hour…
Anyways after dinner I was super tired and decided it was likely safe to down half an ambien in order to force myself to sleep. I drifted off somewhere over Ankorage, Alaska. I woke up about 6 hours later as best I can tell. By then I was somewhere over Kamchatka. Weird to have been on the plane 5 hours, fallen asleep for 6 hours and wake up and realize you’re still 5 hours from your destination.

And I was grateful when I awoke I wasn’t hog tied somewhere in a cargo hold under arrest because I’d done something under ambien and didn’t know it. Like go to the bathroom when I wasn’t actually IN the bathroom…

Five hours eventually became 4 and 4 eventually became three and before I knew it we were descending. We touched down at around 7:30 in the morning on Sunday. The border was easy, and like usual when I got in line it stopped moving. After going through I got my checked bag and headed out. My guide here in China is a young guy named Luke. He was waiting outside and we loaded up his car and headed into the tangled concrete jungle that is Guangzhou. It was quite cool, probably 50 degrees and drizzling. Luke had borrowed a friends car to drive us around in for the couple of days we’d be in the south of China. He had a GPS in the car and honestly I didn’t think any place could be more of a jumbled mess than New Jersey. I don’t think the GPS honestly knew where we were going. We eventually made it to the hotel and checked in. I thought I’d be terribly jet-lagged but was actually doing quite well. I figured I’d be tired later that afternoon and was determined to stay up till at least 9pm in order to adjust as quickly as possible.

The contrasts of this new place quickly set in. Our hotel was across the street from the Lamborghini dealership which was a stones throw away from some pretty depressed neighborhoods. Much to my relief the McDonald’s was right next door on one side of the hotel and their was a 7-eleven on the other side and a Starbuck’s IN the hotel. Since I got in so early in the morning we couldn’t check in so we just left our bags there and then Luke and I drove somewhere. Honestly, I wouldn’t have any idea where but we walked down a pedestrian only street and it was great to stretch the legs. After an hour, and a quick detour to the McDonald’s for a Coke we headed back to the hotel to check-in. I took a shower and changed and Luke and I headed out again to explore. I told Luke to stop in an area that looked interesting to explore so we parked and started walking. Each street is basically flush with little cubby hole like “stores” running from corner to corner on every block. After the third store in a row selling sewing machine parts I figured out that in this city in china businesses are all clustered together. So, we were on sewing machine parts street. Next street was wig street. The street after that was glass bead and cheap gem street. It was so wacky. After a couple of blocks I hooked a left on Jang Dang Bang street, at least that’s what the names all looked like, and onto a tight pedestrian alley full of street vendors.

This is where the culture shock finally hit.

It was a mix of poverty and abject poverty. I honestly think Luke was a bit embarrassed to have me be there but I was fascinated. It was an astonishing assault on the senses. Vendors selling veggies I’d never seen before. Chickens in coops getting butchered one at time then displayed on a plywood table with their guts for sale next to them and their feathers in a bucket next to that. Tiny little hole-in-the-wall eateries that I cant even describe other than yikes! It was so repulsive yet evoked tremendous curiosity. Eventually I ran out of gas and we went back to the hotel. I used my, “I want to eat quick and go to bed” to coax Luke into going to McDonald’s with me. Really I think I was in fight or flight mode and was fighting the possibility of coming face to face with seared octopus butt for dinner. I am always amazed at how a number one is a number one everywhere in the world. Not THAT number one. I number one is a Big Mac from McDonald’s. I can walk into any McDonalds anywhere in the world and regardless of the language, just hold up one finger and I’ll get a Big Mac. And, on the other line of thinking I wonder if a number one is a number one everywhere in the world. Or if it is reversed in some cultures? A two is a one and a one is a two.

I’m four pages into this and only on Sunday night. I better pick up the pace or I’ll never get through this whole story. More Later....